nature, nurture, and everything in between

I have, obviously, always been fascinated by the nature vs nurture argument. In college, I was always first in the class to suggest that it isn't really a 'versus' relationship at all. No one aspect of your personality, appearance, or even voice inflection is determined by just one or the other. That is something I have given alot of thought to lately. I mean there are some things that are obviously nature:

That's my Grandma Frances (biological mother's mom). We look alike. That's pretty obvious. If the photo was closer up, you could see exactly where I get the crazy freckles.

Then there is obviously nurture:




I know this picture is borderline inappropriate, but I really love it and it represents my relationship with my mom quite well. We are just really uninhibited. If you've ever spent time around the two of us, we act quite a bit alike. I worked at the same restaurant as Mom for 6 years, and I was known as Glenda Jr.

But mostly, there is alot of gray area. When I was growing up, there were alot of aspects of my personality my parents didn't get. For one thing, I was incredibly shy when I was small, and got my feelings hurt easily. I also loved playing hooky and looked for excuses to stay home from school, even though school was never a source of stress for me. My parents are farm people, and if you cut off your hand, you put a glove on it and go back to work. I am so bookish! From the moment I learned how to read, I had a book in my hand. How many parents have to tell their child to STOP reading because they are possibly doing it too much? They weren't like that. There weren't a whole lot of books in our house. My parents are hands on people, they were busy from sun up to sun down and didn't spend alot of it sitting still. As I was growing up, I'm sure they found some of my interests very mysterious.

The first day I met Barb, alot of these things made sense. As I meet more and more of my biological family, these things REALLY make sense. This family is full of bookish folks with tons of PhDs. They love to talk about books and philosophy and academic stuff. However, I am the only one among them that really likes to garden and spend alot of time outside. I really feel like a blend of both worlds. And isn't that what we all are? For most people, you never have the chance to see it separated out for you that clearly. I have always felt a little conflicted inside, as if alot of what I wanted out of life was contradictory. I have always harbored crazy desired to run off to a big city and do something impressive with my life, but at the same time, I love the farm and part of me would love 20 acres and some goats. I feel the pull both ways and I always have. My mother has lived in Weaubleau her entire life. Her grandmother lived in Weaubleau her entire life. They find a place they love, and they stay put. The Rothwells are everywhere. They really seem to be people that set out in the world to seek their fortunes and never look back. I have both in me, equally strong. I haven't figured out how to resolve these conflicts, and maybe I never will, but I am glad to be able to identify the source.