Finding out

I remember so well the day my Mom told me I was adopted. It was the summer of 1989 and I was about to start Kindergarten. I was 5. This was around the same time she dropped the bomb of "today we'll be going to the Dr for 50 shots" so I was a little concerned when she said she had something to tell me. We lived in a little house in town at that point, and Mom and Dad's bedroom was on the far East side of the house. It must have been in the morning, because I remember it was very sunny in there and it hurt my eyes a little bit. Mom came in with a present for me and she told me to open it. It was the cutest Cabbage Patch doll ever made -- She has blonde pigtails, a gray sweatsuit with a little kitty embroidered on the shirt, and white tennis shoes with pink stripes. Mom gave me my new dolly and explained that she was very special. This wasn't just any doll -- she came with a birth certificate. If I filled out the certificate with my name and address, and gave the doll a name, I could send the certificate off and she would be all mine forever.

I thought that was pretty cool. She went on to say that I was alot like that little doll. I remember her asking me if I remembered where babies came from -- their mommies' tummies. She explained that another lady had kept me in her tummy and that Mom and Dad had selected me to be their baby because she couldn't keep me, although she loved me very much. She said that, just like that doll, she and Daddy had gone to a place to pick me up and had to fill out some papers to make me officially theirs. I remember being worried that someone would take me away from them. She assured me that no, I couldn't go anywhere no matter what. I don't remember it, but Mom says I cried. She asked me if I wanted to talk about it, or if I wanted to be alone -- I chose to take some time to myself to think about it. I still remember being 5 years old and being in that room by myself for a while. I remember singing a song to myself (that's how alot of 5 year olds deal, apparently) and really thinking over everything she said. My understanding of the birds and bees was sophisticated enough at that point that I understood what had happened. Most of all I just couldn't believe they weren't really my biological parents. They had to have had me, because they loved me so much. And I loved them so much. And our family was so good and I was so happy -- they had to be my parents. And at that moment, I decided that they were always meant to be my parents no matter who had given birth to me. That's an opinion I've kept into adult hood.

I don't remember all the details of that day, but I do vividly remember giving my Mom a hug and realizing that our family was very special. From Day 1 I realized that my being adopted made me special and that it had to be the best thing that had ever happened. The most prominent feeling I've ever had about it is -- Thank GOD I got my parents out of all the people on that list. I won the lottery.
Some people respond to that story with disbelief that my Mother could spring that on me so early in life -- they think I was too young. That is a decision that is going to be unique to every situation and every child. In this situation, my Mom had remarkable judgment to do this when she did. She recalls that she was completely terrified. There is certainly no rule book on how to do this kind of thing, and this was the 80s -- she didn't even have the internet or self help books to turn to. I was getting ready to start Kindergarten in a very small town (I graduated HS with 23 people, most of whom had grandparents who went to school with my grandparents). Remember, my Dad ran the MFA and in a small farm town, that is practically celebrity. Everyone knew I was adopted, and if she didn't tell me, some little kid at school would. Can you imagine being on the playground and hearing "My Mommy says you were adopted! What's that mean?" That would not have been cool. I have always admired her courage for telling me so young. Not once (that I remember) did it ever scare or frighten me. It just made me feel really good that I had landed in such a safe, nurturing place. It made me thankful, and it made me feel so much more appreciative of my parents. I was definitely one of the lucky ones.