Some back ground:

Anyone who knows me even a little knows that I'm a crazy knitter lady. It is the closest thing to an obsession I've ever had and a very large portion of every day is taken up either thinking about, reading about, or dreaming about if not actually knitting. It's something I got started on kinda late in life actually -- I was 21 when I learned how to do the basics, and I was about 23 when I got really crazy about it and started churning out things that were technically advanced. I started really getting obsessed with crafting when I started college, but I can trace the moment it exploded to a pretty exact moment in time -- the winter of 2007, just after Barb passed away. It was something I could carry around with me and whip out at any moment to chase away thoughts I didn't want to think. There have been more times than I can count, when if it wasn't for the needles and yarn in my hands, I would have no clue what to do with them at all. That little ball of string has kept me tethered to the earth when it threatened to fall out from under me. In other words... knitting means ALOT to me.

So why the hell am I telling you this?

About a week ago, I had a really nice, long conversation with my cousin Amy. She is one of the three children Barb helped raise (her nephew and two neices) when their parents got divorced. They spent a lot of time with Barb and have a lot of fond memories of her that they are nice enough to share with me. We were gabbing away about hobbies Barb had, and the conversation went something like this:

Amy: ....and Barb would go crazy with knitting, too, I swear to God she could knit while she was driving.... and she would get hung up on a book and wouldn't put it down for days...

Dallas:................

Amy: ....and she loved to sit in on room and read that book......

Dallas:....Amy, did you say Barb was a knitter? Did I hear you say she knew how to knit?

Amy: Oh yeah! She was completely obsessed with it and always made us a bunch of stuff for Christmas. She was a perfectionist about it too and would rip it all out if it had the smallest mistake or she didn't like the colors...

Dallas *sound of head exploding*

A week later, I am still absolutely shocked and completely blown away by this news. How. Insane. Is That??? How did I not know? How did this never come up? Of course, I wasn't quite a full blown card carrying knit-aholic yet, but I know I was knitting on a regular basis when Barb was still alive.

I can't help but go back to the whole nature/nurture thing again. I apparently had a genentic inclination to do this activity, and if it wasn't for an aunt that lives half the country away who happened to show me how one day, I would have never learned to knit at all. It feels so...destined, doesn't it?

I think my biggest regret is that I was never able to talk with her about it. I'd love to hear what knitting means to her. Trust me, if you've ever met a person who's a knitter, there is something about it that is really crack-ass addictive and gets deep down into your DNA. I want so badly to see something that she made, just to turn it in my hands and know that she produced it, just like she produced me. It's hard to explain to a non-knitter, but when you make something with your hands, a little bit of your soul is transported into that object. If you've ever spent a night snuggled under a quilt that a loved one made for you, you know the feeling I'm talking about. If you are ever lucky enough to receive a gift that someone has handmade for you, please cherish it. Even if it doesn't match your lampshades, or whatever, please try to understand the love and time and personal energy that went into that object, and all of it was for you.

I am continually amazed at the new doors that continue to open during this journey. It answers questions, only to raise brand news ones. I continue to post here every so often with the hope that I can not only keep my thoughts straight, but also to maybe help some one along their own journey one day. I posted a little snippet of this story on Ravelry, an online knitting community, and a woman responded who is having some thoughts about adopting a child. I really hope somehow these words might help.