Tonight, my husband came upstairs and told me that Dad had called and I needed to check my email right away and call him back. He'd sent me something I would get a kick out of. In my inbox was a forward of a conversation that Dad had been having with a woman - a woman who just happens to be his long lost half sister.
I should explain.
My dad wasn't raised by his natural parents. His mother, Darlene, and his father, Otis Frank lived together pretty much just long enough to have him, and then split up. Dad was raised by his maternal grandparents, Mac and Ruth in Arkansas, where most of his family (on both sides)is from. He remembers a couple of childhood visits to see his paternal grandparents (Frank, and he doesn't remember gma's name) and his Aunt Opal. On one of these visits he remembers meeting some other children that he was pretty sure were his father's kids from a 2nd marriage. He was maybe 6 or 7 years old, and the details weren't all that important at the time. But, he's always kinda known that he's got some siblings floating around out there somewhere.
Cindy Gipson recently learned that she has a half brother named Otis Ray. She had no idea that her father had been married before and that she had any other siblings. She decided to google his name just to see what she would find. Dad is a supervisor for the Dept of Transportation, so his email address is accessible through the Missouri State Employee Telephone Directory, leading to the email he received this afternoon politely wondering if he was in fact her brother.
After a few emails back and forth about other relatives, it was confirmed (thanks to Aunt Opal). I am so excited for Dad. As I reminded him tonight, the phrase "blood is thicker than water" doesn't really do it justice. Blood is like a steel logging chain that ties you together with your relations. There are so many inexplicable ties that exist regardless of you having ever been in the same room with them. Family is family.
My Dad's dad is not a frequent topic at their house. He was something of a deadbeat dad, if you could even call him that. He moved away after Dad was born, and lost touch completely when Dad moved in with his grandparents. He recounted a story for me tonight that really highlights what Otis Frank must have been like.
When Dad was 16, his father showed up on his doorstep for the first time in almost 16 years, and wanted to spend some quality time with his son. Dad was really happy about this and was excited about finally getting to start a relationship with his father. Frank suggested that they go coon hunting together, so Dad borrowed a buddy's dog and off they went. He said they had a great time and spent the later part of the evening just talking. He even brought my Mom, who was his "steady" at the time over to meet his Dad. It eventually came up that Dad was saving up to buy a car, and Frank enthusiastically offered to help him buy a car, as kind of a pennance for not being there for him growing up. He told him that if he could find a car for less than $1000, he would buy it for him. A couple weeks went by, and Dad found a car for $600. Excited, he called Frank. Big surprise what his reaction was -- he didn't remember making any such promise and didn't have any money anyhow. Dad was disappointed, but certainly never expected the gift anyway, and could understand that money was tight. Frank said he was coming back through town in two weeks and would be back to see him then.
That was the last time he saw or spoke to Frank. He didn't show up in two weeks, not even in two years. He wouldn't answer phone calls, and soon Dad had no idea where he lived or how to get in touch with him. Not that he wanted to. In a move wiser and more mature than his 16 years, Dad decided to forget about Frank and not worry about him ever again. He certainly wasn't lacking in affection from his grandparents and his aunt and uncle that lived in Kansas City that he got to visit often.
I am very excited for my dad. I am trying not to, but it's impossible not to inject my own experiences into this situation. Meeting my biological family has been profoundly healing for all of us. It's like a validation to a life that otherwise left alot of pain and destruction in it's wake. I feel like this is a chance for Dad to overcome his father's ambivalence to his existence and resolve some old pains. I think that Frank is still alive and should be about 79 years old. I am anxious to see if this will resolve in Dad getting to see his father again. I wonder if that's even a good idea. One thing is for certain - there is no rule book for these situations, and the steps have to be made up as you are taking them. However, I know for sure this has to be a positive thing and will definitely lead to positive outcomes. Besides Cindy, Dad apparently has another half sister and two half brothers to get to know as well! I so look forward to what's to come.
